I was talking with a close friend this week about the struggles we've been experiencing in “secret.”
We both have areas in our lives that we have made extraordinary sacrifices. Where we have dedicated everything to work towards a specific outcome.
And we have both failed.
I have been feeling this failure keenly the past few months. It's weighing heavily on me. I'm struggling with understanding why God allowed this to happen, but I'm not angry or upset.
I'm just disappointed. Deeply, overwhelmingly disappointed.
And I'm mourning the loss of what I expected to happen.
Sometimes the struggles we experience in secret are the hardest.
One of my favorite bible verses is this:
For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, says the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.
Isaiah 55:8-9
I guess a big part of my struggle is my pride. I think I made all the right decisions and should get my “prize.” I deserve it!
But that's not the reality. Maybe I did make all the right decisions. Maybe I didn't. Either way, I can't know God's plan and how He's using this outcome for His greater glory and our greater good.
I know that as Christians, we shouldn't expect to have a “perfect” life. There will be ups and downs, and detours we don't expect. After all, Jesus tells us: “…If any man would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.” Luke 9:23
Mentally, I know this. Emotionally, I'm still working on it.
So for now, I'm just sitting with my disappointment. And trying to remember that God is molding us and preparing us for Heaven.
I'll just be over here trying to take refuge in the arms of Jesus.🩷
If you're struggling too, you'll be in my prayers.
